And the End? C'est la Vie. }{ Tag: Dana's Tariv

[ricci]

/Mine?/

And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny praer to Father Time...

/Mine? Somethin's wrong, Mine./

As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
I rationed my breaths
As I said to myself
That I'd already taken too much today

"What else could be wrong?" Z'marin asked forlornly as he sat in his bed somewhat numbly as he acknowledged his Weyrwoman's death and Grenth's disgusting voice whispered through his mind of her loss. "I know that Maai's dead."

As each descending peak on the LCD...

/No, Mine... Tarisk. She's done and gone missing,/ the Blue said slowly, staring into space, his mind quite simply overwhelmed by all that was happening.

...Took you a little further away from me

---

That had been several minutes ago as Z'marin raced through the halls searching for Tariv? Where was he? Where was he? Finally, Garanth had the clarity of mind to ask other dragons whereabouts the Green had disappeared from.

/The Weyrwoman's roomthings, Mine,/ Garanth offered pitifully, wishing desperately to be able to help more, but help more he could not. Z'marin's heart was pounding, and his grief for the Weyrwoman was altogether forgotten for the grief of Tariv's loss. He ran, he ran, he made it to the Weyrwoman's quarters, but he was kept away. The youth begged to be let in to see Tariv, Tariv, the one with the brave Green who had tried so hard to save the world? He was nearly in tears, something that did not become him, as his cheeks became quite blotchy. He stopped himself though when the man at the door explained that Tariv had left the room already.

"What!? The man just lost his sharding wher and you let him walk off on his own? Maai's already dead, she can't die more, but you can keep a man from offing his own damn self on top of that! You're a DRAGONRIDER! You KNOW this!" Zim was whispering heatedly. As brazen and horrid as he was feeling, he had the clarity of mind to keep his voice down for concern for Mairin, be she planning or grieving. Faranth, Zim hoped she had time to grieve. The thought might never have crossed his mind if it wasn't for Tariv's need. But nobody ever said Z'marin was mature for his age. He desperately demanded directions for what way Tariv had gone.

Ultimately, he followed a trail of wher-handlers and bleary eyed day-folk all the way back to the Wher quarters. He sighed, Tariv was a creature of habit sometimes. The young Bluerider bit back his tears and leaned his forehead on Tariv's door without initially knocking. Tariv had to be in there, and Z'marin had to go to him, but now that he was here, his stomach was dropping a mile a minute.

Because I could not stop forDeath
He kindly stopped for me

She was gone. Forever. Death had taken her, and Z'marin, in his youth still shallow to some extent, wondered if it would have been better had she never been born at all? Or... No. Z'marin knew. Were it not for Tarisk, Tariv would have been broken. But... The Bluerider knocked lightly, and started to try the door. Whether it was locked or not, Z'marin would not know until he tried.

[danaphantom]

I've got myself a misson
I'm going to find heaven
I've made crepe paper wings
I think they'll carry me well...

She was going to save the world. Those were her words. Perhaps it was only for vengeance for their fallen Weyrwoman, but to her... the Weyr was her life. Her lifemate was her life. How could she not want to save him from whatever menace that was stalking them?

She was going to save the world.

If only she knew how.

I've left you a love poem
The best I have written
My favorite words
Were the ones I couldn't spell...

Love. It was that singular word that she had said. Sure, she had exuded the emotion... or a semblance of it, at the very least. People said Dragons and Whers did not love or hate. Those two extremes were beyond the reasoning.

That's what they said.

That's not what his normally inarticulate Wher said. What she said.

Was he in his room? Tariv couldn't really tell. Indeed, the last... how long was it? He didn't know. He didn't care. All he knew was the dull ache in his chest. It felt as if the felines had returned, ripped him open, and dragged out his innards, leaving him an empty husk. He was nothing. There was nothing.

Z'marin would find that the door was unlocked; indeed, it was hardly latched, and the moment the Bluerider twisted the handle it would swing open. It was quiet, still... the room, at first glance, seemed empty, devoid of life. Further investigation, however, would eventually show Tariv to be curled on the slab of stone that had once served as Tarisk's bed. Though his eyes were open, they were unseeing, staring blindly forward out into nothingness.

They said Whers didn't bond as deeply as Dragons.

They were liars.

[ricci]

The door swung open easily. It hadn't even been properly shut. Z'marin's brows creased heavily as he slipped into the room. His eyes landed on Tariv who curled on Tarisk's couch, and he felt his heart break. Oh Tariv, Tariv. Zim didn't say anything at first, didn't move at all. His Tariv was broken, and Zim wasn't sure he was man enough to fix it. The teenager stopped worrying about it, though, and quickly ran across the room to Tariv, wrapping his arms around his lover and stroking Tariv's hair.

"Oh Tariv, my Tariv. I'm so sorry, Tariv," Z'marin poured out. "I'm so sorry, I wish I could change what happened! I wish there was something I could do for you, please, Tariv, tell me if there's anything, anything I can do!"

It wasn't the best response, but it was the only response Zim had. He was young, unwise, he had seen such grief before, but this was the first time that he had felt such grief, been so close to such grief. Even the loss of Jedidiah had not been this degree of loss. Jed had been his pet and his companion and it had destroyed him to lose his Green. But this was more, this was worse, this was the end of life as he knew it. The man who he loved with all of his heart had lost his wher.

Gary?

/Here,/ the Blue said as he struggled to comprehend. He needed comfort as much as Tariv did, and Zim found himself split between the two loves of his life. /Why is Tarisk gone, Mine?/

I... I don't know, Garanth, Zim responded haltingly as tears flowed down his cheeks and he held the older man tenderly but desperately. What could he do? He had to be the grown-up right now, and Zim wasn't sure he was ready to be the grown up. His toes curled with anxiety in his boots. His head was spinning, could he cope with this? This wasn't his job! This wasn't what a 15 turn old man... boy should have to deal with! And yet here he was, holding Tariv, here he was, trying to soothe his simple-minded dragon. He stopped his tears with effort and took deep breaths.

"I'm here, Tariv, I'm here," he whispered.

[danaphantom]

He felt almost dead, inwardly and outwardly. Z'marin might as well been handling a corpse, still warm but stiff with rigor mortis. The Bluerider was, quite likely, lucky he had come to his mate mere hours after the incident. It would be likely that Tariv would have otherwise been a dirty, smelly mess.

Nevermind the fact that he was, essentially, a zombie.

It took at least a minute for the Wherless man to realize he was being held, a little longer to realize there was a voice, and a few seconds more to come to the conclusion there was a boy in his room. Even then, he didn't immediately react, though once he did, it was like a great bear lumbering from his den after a long winter. With a groan that turned into a croak, the much larger man moving slowly to gather Z'marin in his arms and hold the boy closely, burying his scarred face in the Dragonrider's tunic.

If he intended to say anything back, it would be lost, Tariv's voice cracking before he even truly attempted to speak. Now pulled out of that gray semblance of unconsciousness, Grenth's unrelenting lament echoed once again in his mind, reminding the man... can't follow. Can't... follow.

But why not?

Holding tightly to his 'mate', perhaps uncomfortably so, he instead started sobbing quietly. So many years of bottling everything... and now he just didn't care. The painful loss... everything came spilling out to dampen the Bluerider's shirt. Perhaps a long time coming... certainly a long time going.

[ricci]

Zim clung to his Tariv as Tariv held him tightly. In a rare show of maturity, the young Bluerider held back his complaints of discomfort and instead pressed kisses against the side of the man's face. He was handsome, in Zim's eyes, but now there was no question as to whether or not he was broken. He was more than broken. Zim feared the loss of the man he loved not only as a lover, but as his brother.

"Shhh," Zim whispered helplessly, "I'm here. I'm here," was all he could think to say. He knew better than to say it would be okay. It would never be okay. Zim's heart ripped in two as the thought of losing Garanth crossed his mind. No. No. No. Grenth was alone tonight, and so was his Tariv, and Zim didn't know what to do with all of this loss surrounding him, smothering him. In the end, he was still just a kid.

Before he could stop himself, his own body began to shake, and anxious tears began to pour out as his breathing sped up. Grief. He had never truly felt grief. The loss of Jedidiah had been terrible, a part of him gone with her forever, and yet it was the loss of his Weyrwoman who he didn't even like, and the loss of Tarisk who was not even his own that truly broke him, made his stomach do leaps in his gut, made his lungs fight to escape his ribcage... His back ached, even his toes were uncomfortable.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wish... I wish... I-I wish there... I wish she... I want her back," Zim moaned, clinging to Tariv, sobbing. He should have been the strong one tonight, he should have been helping him, but instead, he was just adding to the problem. "I'm so...so s-s-s-so... I'm so s-s-s-s-sorry, T-T-T-Tari-iv..." he snifled, but the tears and the snot and the spit that sometimes drooled out as he sobbed into his sobbing friend kept going.

Contrary to popular belief, grief is never graceful.

[danaphantom]

They were both a blubbering mess, though as Z'marin started to mutter helplessly, Tariv began to calm. Well, calm was not the word for it... far, far from it, truly. There was no calm. There was just... emptiness. A void. A black hole. A violent lack of anything threatening to consume all around it.

He shifted, his death grip on the Bluerider lessening slightly as one hand drew up to press against Z'marin's mouth. The gesture was somewhat violent as the Wherless man was barely more in control of his body than he was his racing emotions, his streaming tears. All he wanted was silence. Unfortunately, he had regressed slightly to an aggression to get what he wanted.

Tariv stared hard at Z'marin for several moments before some neuron in his mind realized he was likely hurting the boy. Surrendering yet again to despair, the man went limp, eyes half closing as he gave up. It wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth it. Everything he had... he destroyed.

The ex-handler released his hold, tacitly giving the Bluerider leave. He was nothing... there was no need to stay. All that would happen would be pain and suffering. Despite his nihilism, Tariv did not wish this on anyone, especially Zim.