Hour of Twilight }{ Rice's Z'marin

[danaphantom]

The Weyr was bathed in orange and gold by the slowly sinking sun, causing the activity in the Weyrbowl to slowly diminish. It would never be truly quiet in the heart of the Weyr, but the majority of the people there were scurrying towards the dining hall for their evening meal or their quarters to relax before bed. There was one, however, that was content to just sit. Stare. Watch the world pass him by without actually seeing.

It had just felt too big. His room expanded until he was just a tiny particle, gasping for air molecules that were bigger than him. Unable to take it, Tariv had wandered out of the Wherhandler's Quarters, stopping out into the Weyrbowl. Here... here...

How long had it been since he had seen the sun? Not that he saw it this evening; the lip of the Weyrbowl had long since cast the main floor into shadow. But there it was, blue sky.... and thus Tariv shuffled to the side, having a seat on the 'bowl floor, back pressed against the wall separating himself from the other Wherhandlers. They hadn't kicked him out, likely out of pity. Possibly because they weren't hurting for space, and there wasn't a Wherling group about to graduate.

Wherlings. Heh. They didn't know the pain that was coming to them.

And thus the Wherless Tariv started his silent vigil, watching for nothing, caring for nothing. Just waiting for enough time to pass to allow exhaustion to sink him into unconsciousness.

[ricci]

How long had it been since Tarisk had been lost? Zim wasn't sure. He wearily sat in his weyr staring down at the Wherhandler's quarters he knew to be across the 'Bowl from himself. He couldn't see them, not really, but his eyes nevertheless pretended they knew just where Tariv's room was. Zim had been doing his best to let the man sleep during the day, but he knew that Tariv was sleeping very little. A selfish part of Zim wanted Tariv to switch to daytime activities, but the part of him that had grown up a little in the past several days knew better. He knew that as hard as it would be for Tariv, that he would have to try and get Tariv to stand to the egg again. He wouldn't have Tariv back until Tariv's soul was in some way mended on a level that Zim never would be able to.

He sighed, holding in his hands a tiny egg. It was smaller than a fire-lizard's egg, he thought, staring at the thing as he remembered Jedidiah's egg. How long had it been since he had lost her? He couldn't remember. He missed her trills, and her stupidity. But she was gone, and he just had to deal.

/Wot's that?/ Garanth asked. He had asked that every day since he had gotten the egg, but Garanth was not known for his memory.

"It's a Crawler egg," Zim explained.

/Wot's a Crawler?/

"It's a bit like a fire-lizard, I guess. But without wings," Zim explained slowly, smiling tiredly at his Blue friend. He stood carefully, making sure not to harm the egg. "I'm going to give it to Tariv."

/Tarisk is gone,/ Garanth said suddenly, forlornly, sadly. He wished that he could make Garanth forget forever, but Garanth would probably never forget that particular tidbit. He was good at remembering sad things, it seemed. Garanth proved Zim's hypothesis as he went on, /Maybe Tarisk's with Jed now?/

Zim didn't know what happened after people or dragons or whers or fire-lizards died. But he hoped they got to meet up again. Maybe in some... he didn't know. Alternate Between Land or something?

"Maybe, Gar'," Zim said simply, then signaled the blue to let him mount. It was a quick hop down to the 'bowl, and then Garanth went up to the heights to capture the very last rays of the day. Only about fifteen minutes of sunlight remained at the tip-top of the Weyr. Already, the 'bowl was shadowed and dark.

Zim looked around, not far away from the Wher-Handler's quarters. He had pocketed the egg in a little pouch he had gotten for this occasion, and he had strung that around his neck. Tariv didn't even seem to notice him as he approached.

Zim said nothing as he sat next to Tariv and leaned his head on the man's shoulder, one hand snaking about to Tariv's hand, fingers threading through the ex-Handler's. He sighed heavily and turned his face up, resting his chin on Tariv's arm, looking up at Tariv through his round woods-brown eyes.

"Hey," he said after a moment. "How you doing tonight? Or morning? Or whatever?"

It had been a running joke once. That when Tariv and Zim saw eachother in the twilight that it was one man's night and the other's morning. It didn't feel funny this time, though, Zim decided sadly as he glanced out at the 'Bowl.

[danaphantom]

At first, it seemed that Tariv was oblivious to the fact that Z'marin had arrived, something which had become all too common recently. It was quite the opposite, however - while days had passed by in a blur, things were starting to become clear. Individual things, sure, but... it had been Z'marin that had kept him from simply leaving the Weyr.

It was Z'marin that was the sole clear thing in his mind.

Still, that didn't mean the Wherless man was in any less of a daze. There was no reaction when the Bluerider first approached. Tariv was stiff, though this wasn't a surprise, as his movements had been rather rigid ever since. However, as the boy twined about him, he loosened slightly. After a moment he squeezed the boy's hand.

"Hmm." Was his noncommittal reply, turning his head just enough to press scarred lips against Z'marin's forehead. Tariv was content with silence - what else was new? - but knew the Rider wouldn't be happy with just that. "You?" A monosyllabic reply, but it would make the Rider content. Or so he hoped.

Z'marin was a poor replacement for Tarisk, but Tariv was still glad for the company. At least having the Bluerider around allowed him some slight distraction from the utter emptiness he felt inside. Nothing would ever be okay. But at least right now he felt a few millimeters above rock bottom.

[ricci]

Z'marin let Tariv squeeze his hand, and he squeezed right back, found himself half-melting into the kiss the once-Handler pressed against his temple. He sidled up carefully into Tariv, leaning heavily into the considerably larger man.

"Got you something," Zim said in response to Tariv's soft response. He knew that Tariv didn't really feel curious. He knew that Tariv didn't really feel anything but total and complete despair. He bit his lip, hoping desperately that Tariv wouldn't take it wrongly, that he wouldn't become upset at the sight of an egg.

Zim hadn't considered all these potential problems until right then, he realized, as he shifted away from his Tariv momentarily. He took the egg from the pouch he had, and presented it unceremoniously to Tariv. Zim would have rathered make a huge deal regarding the egg, but he knew that Tariv wasn't up to that. Zim could handle that, for now. He really liked making big deals of things, but he wasn't willing to hurt Tariv, and he imagined that would be the end result.

"Should uh, should Hatch soon. Today maybe, tomorrow... day after tomorrow at the latest..." Zim said, sort of mumbling that if it took longer he would go kick the guy who sold the thing to him in the face. It was a subtle mumble, but Tariv probably heard it. He sighed and held the egg for Tariv to take.

[danaphantom]

Tariv tried his hardest to look pleasantly surprised when Z'marin made his announcement, though it ended up being a feat beyond him. Sure, the Bluerider made his hell a little less fiery, but the fact remained that he was not in a human state of mind, so human emotions were somewhat beyond him.

Still, an eyebrow arched slightly upward as the Rider presented the tiny egg. He scowled, not because he was offended, but because the idea of the egg... Tariv was having enough difficulty caring for himself. He rarely felt the need to clean himself, and it was difficult enough to find the energy to even get out of bed. Now, with a little... flitt-critter-thing?

"Maybe you should keep it," he muttered quietly, moving to try to close Zim's hand around the small egg. "Name it Jed. It can keep you company..." The Wherless man's voice was rough from disuse, though it was... as gentle as could be expected. A frown graced his face as he slowly realized this answer would be less than positive to Zim, so he quickly scrambled to come up with a good excuse.

"I just, don't... take care of it, and..." he slowly shook his head at his inability to brain. Not that Tariv had ever been all that conversational, but his lack of ability to construct a proper sentence was certainly lacking, which made the ex-Trader rather uncomfortable.

[ricci]

Zim rolled the egg lightly in his finger tips, then clasped his hands around it to keep it warm as he looked up at his Tariv who was muttering a very wordy 'no' to him. At first, Zim was disheartened. He thought about trying to find another person for it, and perhaps for the other egg that he knew waited for him at the weyr, another egg that he had (TOTALLY HAD ALL ALONG). It was Tariv who actually broke him out of his little moment of self-pity, where he was sadly considering his mistake and that he had done the wrong thing, and all that jazz. He stopped thinking about wasted marks, he stopped thinking about anything but making sure that his Tariv would be better, and the creature in this egg was no Tarisk, but it could help. It could.

"No. Don't want another Jed, Tariv. I miss her," Zim said softly, "But I would never, ever replace her. I've another egg up in my weyr. That one I'll keep, but its name won't be Jed. There will be no other Jed. Even if I named it Jed, it wouldn't be Jed. It wouldn't. Y'don't need to replace love, Tariv. Tarisk... Tarisk was the best wher I had ever known, even when she was threatening to eat my feet off of my legs if didn't leave her spot in your rooms. She was hellfire, Tariv, beautiful and bright and sharding painful sometimes to deal with, but there aint a single regret I have in knowing her. The only regret I have is not having more time to laugh with her and you. But we're still here."

Zim took a breath, holding the egg tenderly, gently taking Tariv's hand. It bothered him, how easily it came, no resistance, no guilt. He wanted that guilt to be gone, but... He wanted Tariv to come to terms with it, not just up and give up on figuring things out for himself. He took the egg and placed it into Tariv's hand, wrapping the man's finger's gently around the small shell.

"She'd be pissed if you gave up on everything on account of her," Z'marin said, pressing his lips to the curled fingers. "Live for her, because she can't."

Somewhere in there was an unspoken plea.

Live for me, the plea begged. I'm not ready to watch another die.

Zim released Tariv's hands. His stomach was quivering. It didn't churn, it didn't ache, the only description available was... Quivering. His whole body felt off as he looked up at the man he loved and hoped.

Live for me, the plea begged. I'm not ready to grow up any more.

Zim, overwhelmed, looked away from Tariv eventually, and began to stare at his own comparitively small hands, now empty and devoid of the small life he had held, the life he had transferred to Tariv, once Handler of once Green Tarisk.

[danaphantom]

There was no resistance in the ex-Handler. He did not fight Z'marin; he barely seemed to even be listening. Tariv merely staring blankly at the egg once again nestled in his hand.

Live for her.

It was when Zim looked away that Tariv finally shifted, his hand carefully wrapping around the tiny egg within his palm. He didn't want to believe Z'marin. He didn't want to just move on, forgetting Tarisk. At least, it felt like he would just forget Tarisk. ignoring everything she had ever done... But, if there was one thing the trader-bred man understood, it was empathy. And here the teenaged Bluerider was, trying to be the man, trying to be grown up.

He didn't want to forget Tarisk, but he would not forget Zim.

"Maybe... we should put this somewhere warm," he mumbled, shifting slightly. Having long since lost his coordination (frankly due to him not caring enough to properly balance himself), he didn't want to hurry to his feet, hurting Z'marin or the little egg. "I don't have a sand pot, but... I dunno." Tariv knew he was being lame, but it would make the Bluerider happy, and that was good enough for now.

[ricci]

Zim tried not to smile enormously when Tariv ultimately accepted his gift. But it wasn't in Zim's nature to not smile, so eventually his mildly crooked, slightly yellow, but altogether pleasant teeth were revealed in a big grin. He kissed Tariv's arm.

"We can find a sandpot somewhere around here, I'm sure. I mean, the Hatching Sands are free, so even if there isn't already a bucket with that egg's name on it, then we can just nab a bucket, scoop up some sand, and put it in your room. Y'know I've got one, too? Did I tell you that already?" Z'marin, in his excitement, was reverting to boyish enthusiasm. It had made him happy, Tariv was... pretty good at making Zim happy, even with minimal things. "I mean, if you want they could stay in their container together, but I think it'd be better if yours stayed in your room and mine stayed in my room, you know?"

Z'marin brought himself to his feet with a half-leap that was pretty normal for the energetic Bluerider. He managed to regain some of his solemnity, however, when he turned to try and help Tariv up off the ground. They had done this before. Zim was such a skinny thing, and so small that to help Tariv up took quite a bit of balancing power. Fortunately, balance was one of the things Zim did best. He settled his feet firmly on the ground, tightened his back muscles, and offered Tariv not his hand, but his forearms for some real leverage.

"Let's try the kitchen before we do anything. Half the time someone's incubating themselves an egg there, anyways," he pointed out.

[danaphantom]

The smallest flicker dashed across Tariv's face, an almost smile made for the Bluerider's benefit. Sure, the Wherless man was amused (or as close as he could be) at the antics of his mate, but it wasn't as if he had any real ability to be happy. This was like some kind of horrid game - play the part and make Z'marin happy, and eventually... well. There was no winning this game.

"Hmm," was Tariv's noncommittal reply at Zim's spazzery, for lack of a better word. He really couldn't devote enough brain power to thinking of a good plan for the egg. Indeed, he was still pretty sure the thing would die of neglect. With any luck, the thing would hatch and run off wild instead of having to deal with a bond to a human who was barely able to care for himself. Or, at the very least, did not care enough to care for himself.

"S'pose we should go to the kitchens, then?" After Z'marin had said it, Tariv began fixating on the idea of going to the kitchens, in part because, despite not caring, his instincts remained. Right now they were telling him to get food. It had been... much too long, frankly, since he had consumed anything, and any chance to get sustenance would be exploited. Days (was it days?) without food was bad. Going to the kitchen was good.

Tariv reached forward, grasping Zim's arm with one hand, carefully cradling the egg in his other. He half-rolled, half-stumbled to his feet. Likely, unless Z'marin dodged out of the way, the two men would collide. A mumbled apology later, Tariv stood lamely, as if he had no idea where to go. Really, he half-wondered if this harebrained plan would end up just making a mess or something... but he didn't really have enough processing power to actually form bits of thoughts into something coherent.

[ricci]

Z'marin had not missed that almost-smile, and it had been to Zim's benefit. His own wildchild smile brightened. He knew Tariv was not really happy, but he hoped that he could help his friend, his mentor, his lover back up to his feet, both literally and figuratively. A brief scary thought crossed his mind. Amanisk was due to Run soon. Zim pushed that thought aside. He wasn't sure he would be able to stand to the egg again if he lost Garanth.

/...Yeah./ Garanth said softly. /But I don't wanna have that happen, kay Z-mine? Kay?/

Well, he had Garanth's simpleminded support. He comforted the Blue for a moment while Tariv had grasped onto his arm, then with a one-two, Tariv rumbled (that is, roll/stumbled) to his feet. Zim was quick, though, so he managed to move enough to not get completely bowled over. He didn't move out of the way 100% though, because he didn't want Tariv to end up falling again.

"Oof," he managed, accepting Tariv's apology. And then they began to walk towards the Kitchens. Zim said little during this time. He had been unable to properly push aside the thought of Tariv ever standing to the egg again. He couldn't imagine it being so soon, whenever Amanisk ran. Vojask had Run more recently, so it was the Senior Gold's turn. How soon was too soon for these things? Conversely--how long was too long?

His heart and his gut sent weird signals to his brain, making him feel somewhere between queasy and excited at the idea. But who was he to try and think these things out? An arrogant 14 turn old, that's what.

"I'm hungry," he announced. And soon enough, Ranis would be lamenting over how much a 14 turn old dragonrider boy really could eat.